I’ll fess up straightaway. For the longest time I had been a hopeless romantic. I’d go to the movies, settle in with my family size coke, popcorn and chocolate (remember one of my coping mechanisms was food and lots of it). Near the end of the movie, the camera pans in on the couple standing in the snow staring at each other, oblivious to the cold and possibly catching pneumonia. They are finally telling each other how much they love each other. They passionately kiss and I sigh as the camera pans out (yes I’m referring to that scene in Bridget Jones Diary) and feel so wonderfully pleased that they found each other. Like I said I used to be a hopeless romantic… now I’m a confirmed romantic having the best relationship ever.
As a species, we are tribal. We are built for connection. Some of our most intense feelings of happiness and joy can be found when we connect with others, when we fall in love and make a commitment to another to love them, hopefully forever. We’ve created brilliant, much loved movies that have had some of the greatest romances of all time. In fact most movie scripts are based on the hero’s journey – you know the ‘good’ guy who goes on an adventure, learns a lesson, wins a victory with that newfound knowledge, and then returns home transformed.
That’s the journey you can take to be your own hero.
Think about it for a minute. The only person you are guaranteed to be with 24/7 for all of your days is yourself. One of my fav sayings (and I have a few), is wherever you go there YOU are. All parts of you. The good, the bad, the ugly, the unhealed, the unsatisfied, the ungrounded, the happy, the disconnected.. You get my drift.
Every relationship is a two way street. It’s give and take, compromise and compassion with hopefully a wonderful dollop of love thrown in. That two way street also applies to your own relationship with yourself – or the lack of it.
Let me put it this way – what we don’t heal from we usually hurt with – ourselves and others. Read that again.
I’ve found it to be one of my life’s greatest ironies. I spent so many years, relationships, money, managing unhealthy coping mechanisms (aka in pain ALL the time), tricking myself that I was in control (all trauma responses), when in fact in a number of ways I was subconsciously recreating the patterns of behaviour and the emotional partnering I learnt as a child and young adult. When I finally made the vow to sort out my past once and for all, to fight for the future I truly wanted – the journey has been winding, difficult, heartbreaking and at times, breathtakingly painful – and the most worthwhile thing I have ever done or could ever do. Why? Because now I am no longer in pain, I’ve shifted and released the old traumas and profoundly shifted my perspective. I’m whole, connected and home within myself.
I gotta tell you it’s the BEST ending for a movie ever! Get in touch if you’d like to become your own hero too – it’s the best feeling peeps.
Till the next blog. Be kind to yourselves blossoms.